i love my mom (and drugs)

My mom just visited me for a couple of days. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I have to admit that I was apprehensive about her trip to NY because I am…a bad daughter. I am impatient with her and I constantly knit-pick everything she does…which she doesn’t deserve at all. You see, my mom and I are two very, very different people. She is very down-to-Earth, soft-spoken, simple, and moral….and I am, well, Jackie. She swears by discount bargain grocery outlets, I visit the Chanel boutique weekly. She is obsessed with dieting and eating healthy, I have the same eating and lifestyle habits of the late Chris Farley. Beyond bone structure and a weakness for sweets, we are as different as British Prime Minister Tony Blair and child rap star Lil’ Bow Wow.

Usually, when we part ways at the end of a visit, I feel immense guilt about all the rude things I said to her and my constant cursing and binge drinking. This didn’t happen this time and it is not because I am changing into a mature woman (of course not). The solution to my years of inner struggle was simple: pot. All that time spent avoiding my mom when I was stoned was wasted....I could have been cultivating a richer relationship with this woman.

Every chance I had, I would sneak off into my roommate’s room and smoke a little bowl. Almost instantly, irritable bratty bad daughter turned into free-spirited funny daughter who is warm and almost poetic. This was good. We ended up doing things that we both enjoyed like getting pedicures, going to a comedy show, and getting Italian pastries. And I don’t feel bad that pot helps me appreciate my mom more. Don’t get me wrong---she is the most beautiful, sweet mom ever. It is just hard to relate sometimes and the pot really just helps me get past all the little pet peeves I have and the fact that its hard to share my little apartment with anyone…let alone the person that embodies all the fears of everything I don’t want to, but will eventually, become.

Perhaps drugs aren’t quite so bad. Just like I needed Adderall to help me concentrate whilst studying for my first year of law school and just how I needed alcohol to make myself interested in certain dates, I feel that drugs (illegal and legal) play a very positive role in maintaining the structure of our social communities and preserving the sanctity of the nuclear family. So, this Thanksgiving, don’t be afraid to bring your stash along with you in order to make yourself more agreeable and fun. Just remember that certain drugs, such as ecstacy and magic mushrooms, can potentially have the opposite effect….so be sure to test out the drugs toleration effects with others such as distant friends and exes first before you shoot up heroin at Aunt Mary's baby shower. Other than that, it’s all good.